Expectation vs. Toddler: Guess Who Wins?

Because nothing humbles you faster than a toddler with their own agenda.

Sometimes I think half of my parenting frustrations stem from setting myself up for failure before the day even begins.

If I spend time and energy planning a trip to the splash pad only to be met with resistance, tears, tantrums, and objections out the gate… it’s 6:30 a.m., coffee hasn’t hit my bloodstream yet, I’m two days overdue for a shower, and I can feel my left eye starting to involuntarily twitch… maybe it’s time to pull the ol’ reverse UNO card and press pause on the plan.

This little phrase has been creeping into conversations with friends lately — over text, in person, at the playground, or over much-needed glasses of wine.

Often it comes up when moms vent about the mismatch of expectations between husbands and toddlers. The reality is always far from the expectation of coordination, cooperation, or timeliness. The truth? Toddlers are on their own planets, and we’re just along for the ride. Better to buckle up and embrace the chaos than to lose it every time a trip to the beach melts down over sand being too sandy or water feeling too wet.

Even a trip to the grocery store can spiral into chaos if you object to Oreos-for-dinner. (Pro tip: if you miss the burning stares of Boomers who either never had kids or conveniently forgot toddlerhood, just stand in the cereal aisle and insist on Wheaties over Cocoa Puffs. It’s like playing Russian Roulette with your emotional capacity.) Will your kid whine? Negotiate for a Hot Wheels car? Collapse on the floor in full rage mode? The outcomes are endless… and equally as fun.

The key, regardless of your parenting style or discipline method, is lowering expectations in the first place. If you don’t anticipate smooth sailing on a three-hour car ride scheduled during nap time — for your newborn who hates red lights and your playlist — then you’ll handle the chaos with a lot more grace. Why set yourself up for disappointment when you could just expect the unexpected, accept the meltdowns, and find peace in it all?

Case in point: Recently my husband and I took McQueen, Baby McQueen, and our pup on what we optimistically called a “hike.” Translation: a 39-minute drive that started at 3 p.m. after packing snacks, clothes, diapers, wipes, hats, bug spray, sunglasses, a towel for the dog, and approximately six water bottles that immediately went missing. Insanity.

The “hike” turned into a 12-minute walk down a flat road to a waterfall — which was dry thanks to the drought. Our son slipped on mossy rocks, had a blast splashing in the water, and then lost it when he realized we couldn’t go inside the visitor’s center because of a wedding. His dramatic conclusion? “I HATE getting married, married is the WORST.”

Instead of anticipating perfection, what if we just… didn’t?

Didn’t put grown-up expectations on kids who’ve only been on this earth for a few years.

Didn’t let tantrums decide whether the day was a success or failure.

Didn’t pile on pressure for our babies to “get it right” when literally everything is new and overwhelming for them.

Maybe tomorrow we can try lowering expectations and raising our tolerance for chaos. Laugh a little more, analyze a little less. Enjoy it while we’re in it instead of waiting until it’s behind us.

Because maybe life does get a little sweeter, day by crazy day, when we stop expecting more and start experiencing it all — the beauty, the chaos, and yes, the crazy.